Tattoos, Ubisoft, New Jobs?

11:03 AM me: sup

  saw the brotatstic feature

  dude

11:04 AM Marty: Hah - yeah. It's funny, whenever you make a list there's always the "you missed this asshole" comments

  Was it ok, though?

11:05 AM me: no i love it

11:06 AM good call on planescape

 Marty: Thanks man

  The problem was there was a "best tattoos in video gaming" article that made the rounds last year

  They had all the people I was thinking of, so I wanted to go a little more obscure

11:07 AM me: oh yeah, some of these are pretty obscure

  derek o'toole

  wowsers

 Marty: haha yeah

  Tattoo Assassins. That was more of a joke entry

  as I'm sure you picked up on

 me: yeah

  good work, buddy

11:08 AM Marty: I appreciate that, thanks

  So...interesting news

 me: yes yes?

 Marty: Nothing may come of it, but I emailed the Editor in Chief of Kotaku...

  And he got back to me this morning

 me: totilo

 Marty: Yeah. He said he doesn'

11:09 AM t have any spots right now, but for me to send writing samples and let him know where I'm located since they need freelancers in places they aren't located in

  that was a horrible sentance

 me: super cool, though

 Marty: It's a spark of hope, yes

 me: i'd say

 Marty: I'm just happy he returned my email

11:10 AM me: since i think kotaku is one of two gaming websites that's actually growing, i'd call that a coup

  i'm sure they need canadians

  everyone does

 Marty: haha

  Well, I'm thinking I'd have a leg up since I'm close to a lot of the big canadian studios

  well..outside of vancouver

11:11 AM me: yes, and to my dream date jade raymond

  [swoons]

 Marty: Yes! I had an interview and tour set up with Ubisoft last year...

  well...kind of

  They cancelled

 me: yeah i remember you telling me this

  why did they cancel?

  and who the fuck can i call to get that back on?

 Marty: Mmm too busy. I'm a no-name, etc.

11:12 AM me: ah, of course

 Marty: I dealt with her assistant

  If I were G4 or someone, I'm sure it would have been different

 me: sure

 Marty: I'm honestly not bitter

 me: were you trying to do it with ____?

 Marty: Oh hells no

 me: for ____?

 Marty: It was an idea I pitched to ____

 me: i'm sure they would have loved that

11:13 AM Marty: A profile of Ubisoft's new Toronto office

 me: weird

 Marty: Yeah. Maybe I wasn't pushy enough?

 me: that's odd to me, ____'s not the hugest (which is now a word), but it's not a slouch

11:14 AM oh well. you're loss, Ubisoft

Feature Posting

11:15 AM me: morning

 Marty: hey man

  our feature is going up today

 me: nice

Crisis, News, Ennui

10:04 AM Marty: Did you get my panicked text?

10:05 AM me: I just looked at it. Busy morning and a drunk night

  What's going to happen?

10:06 AM Marty: Think they're just doing news internally now

10:07 AM me: youch

  so are you done done?

  or are they giving you a week or something?

10:08 AM Marty: A week. And then they said they'll throw me features

 me: wow

  sorry, buddy

  that super stinks

10:09 AM Marty: Ugh...its just shitty timing

  It's like we have a Bundy curse re: jobs in this household

10:10 AM me: do you have an idea what kind of frequency you'll get features?

10:12 AM Marty: Mmm a few a month at max I think. Enough to keep in the game, but not enough to cover the loss. I have to readjust...replan...re-whore-myself-out-for-cash

10:13 AM me: remember craig's list

  and remember the wang shot

 Marty: heh

  So our feature is still on. And we're going to kill it so GR will be all "lets fire everyone but _____ and ______ and make John and Matt our main content providers"

10:14 AM me: ha

10:15 AM do you want to solo the feature? do you want me to ghost write my half so you can get the whole payout?

  i don't mind if you need the cash

 Marty: Absolutely not

  You're doing me a huge solid, so you get half the cash

  thanks for the offer though

10:16 AM me: sure

A Fez Review

2:06 PM Marty: Oh oh!

  Fez

  I downloaded that over the weekend

  It's a bit of a mind fuck

2:07 PM Like, it's so full of secrets and hidden stuff, it makes for an interesting diversion

  As in, one room had a QR code you had to scan with a smartphone in order to get a special code that unlocks an item

 me: what?? that's awesome?

  wait, that's awesome!

 Marty: Are you asking?

  haha

2:08 PM Yeah...in another room you have to decipher ruins to find the exact button presses to open a door.

 me: fuck yeah i love that stuff

 Marty: The core concept is you are a 16-bit guy going around a 16-bit world that can be rotated on 4-different axis

 me: that i did know

2:09 PM Marty: But the way they use it is genius

  Its one of those games that makes you feel really smart

 me: but i've kept away from reviews because i want to sit down with it

 Marty: Right

 me: ha nice

 Marty: I need you to play this because I need help

  It has its own language, and I have no clue how to decipher it

2:10 PM me: i'll climb that horse tonight or tomorrow

 Marty: Yessir!

  Plus (sorry, I love this game and was going to talk about it anyways)

 me: give it to me

2:11 PM Marty: Its one of those games where you start on one "screen" and just find random doors...then half an hour later, you've gone through 10 different doors, discovered some weird ass secret levels and are lost

  But you love it because there's just endless doors to discover

  Oh...and it simulates glitches to make you think the game has crashed

 me: haha

 Marty: Which...funny enough...the game is actually crashing for a lot of people. A patch is coming soon

2:12 PM me: wouldn't be current if it didn't either crash, have a kickstarter, or deliver a bile-spewing ending

Mookery, SkullGirls, Being LeBronned, Ennui

10:20 AM me: hey

 Marty: Hey stranger. How goes?

 me: it goes

10:21 AM i just explained this to a friend of mine, so don't be offended when i cut and paste

  So here's what happened:

When I first interviewed in September or October, it turns out that the Assistant VP above my boss (a man I do not get along with) wanted Mr. X to get the job. Mr. X, though, did not meet the minimum qualifications and didn't get to the interview phase. _____ (this VP) was very unhappy with this, and felt the need to take this out on me for the last five months, but things were moving along as they always did. This is also taking into account that I asked ___ to be a reference for me the first time around, thus inciting a "sure I'll be your reference, if you're gonna fall in line" soul-sale that turns out wasn't necessary because he didn't want to hire me to begin with.

Fast forward to two weeks ago. My boss has been trying to keep me at arm's length from ___ and his cronies, especially for this new search that I had to go through. Turns out that the ___ wasn't having any of that shit, and forced his right hand man to be the chair of the search committee and insisting on meeting all of the interviewing candidates personally. Yes, you're right in wondering why he would do this if this isn't even a person he would be working with often since its a person reporting to a person under him. The evidence is starting to look heavy.

Last Wednesday rolls around, and I wander over to another building for my very informal interview. Wouldn't you know it, who do you think I run into on my way in there? Well, Mr. X, of course. The interview was clearly a courtesy extended to me for all of the hard work that didn't matter that I have done. At noon on Friday, I was given my exit day for this position. Now they have to figure out what to do with me while I look for another job.

Yep. Also, K had surgery on Monday to remove tumors from her right breast. They're benign, but we're waiting on other tests.

10:22 AM Marty: Oh shiiiiit

  Buddy, that's rough

 me: it is what it is

 Marty: They guaranteed you a job no matter what though, right?

 me: right

10:23 AM Marty: Or is that out the door now too?

 me: i'll have something here, but they have to kind of construct something for me since they've already divvied up my old tasks

  which is fine

10:24 AM Marty: But they are obligated

  (i'm not skipping the breast cancer part...that's more important, just wanted to ask about job first)

 me: no it's fine

 Marty: But to clarify - there's no way you are going to be without a job

 me: yes, they're obligated to keep me

  no, i'm not being fired

  just neutered

 Marty: You are just choosing to look for a new job due to them being dicks

 me: ight

  right

 Marty: Still...I would too

10:25 AM a-holes

 me: i can't stay here. it's obvious that there's no place to go

  and yes, my boss's boss is an asshat

  i left early on friday and took monday and tuesday off for K

10:26 AM Marty: Understandable

  That's maddening, man

  But Kay is alright...they are benign?

 me: yeah she's fine. surgery pain, but she's ok

10:27 AM she's had some taken out about 6 years ago or so, so they're running a bunch of tests to find out why and to make sure they don't come back again

  very frustrating

 Marty: Very happy to hear that

 me: thanks

 Marty: That's all that matters, right? Job schmob

 me: you said it

10:28 AM i would gladly go back to waiting tables to get the f- out of here now

 Marty: I know that feeling. But you're also sensible enough to stick it out for a good opportunity

  Anything from ___by the way?

10:29 AM me: just the SkullGirls review from last week

  which came exactly when i needed it

 Marty: Right

  Wait...you couldn't do that one, though.

  Or did you?

10:31 AM me: i did. they sent me the review code the day after the game came out. i played it all night on Wednesday and turned in the review on Thursday afternoon

  they ran it Fri

 Marty: That's awesome...that's also a fairly high-profile game, too

 me: yeah it's getting some attention, especially from the fighting game kids

10:32 AM Marty: That should be a good foot-in-the-door

10:33 AM Maybe this was all meant to be? Maybe now you'll find that games job you've been dreaming of

  or something

 me: i hope so

  well, if this re-opens the door to more freelancing it came a pretty fucking good time

10:34 AM Marty: No kidding. It's good though that you still have a job. I think they even have to pay you the same, no?

 me: no i'll go back down to working-man pay

10:35 AM though i did get a raise for it, i'll still be a worker bee

 Marty: So why is this guy such a douchebag again?

 me: honestly, i think this is for the best. i didn't exactly love what i was doing and would gladly find something else, i just wish it wasn't handled like this

10:36 AM Marty: That's the rub...just not classy

 me: just one of those cats that makes a judgment on you early and sticks with it no matter what else happens

  right

  i've been lebronned

 Matthew: hahahaha

SkullGirls, Interviews, Stress, Almonds

4:16 PM Me: Skullgirls review lined up

  in the middle of interviewing for the job i already have

  i'm very stressed right now

  eat more almonds, your body will thank you

  that is all

 Marty: Wha?

A Xenoblade Review, McHale, Moving, The F-ing Cleveland Indians

 me: before i poop:

 Marty: ...

 me: xenoblade is good stuff

 Marty: hahah ok

  I expect more post-poop

 me: sit on that for a second while i go sit on something else

14 minutes

1:06 PM me: ok, so i picked at it here and there over the weekend

1:07 PM after roughly 8 hours, i'm just barely past the opening rea

  area

  it's totally an offline MMO

 Marty: In what sense?

1:11 PM me: it's huge, and there are something like 450+ quests in the game

1:12 PM i want to go home and play it right now

  stupid work

 Marty: sweet jeebus

  But is it fun to play? Or is it JRPG-rific?

1:15 PM me: no it's a blast

1:16 PM i'm not that far into the plot so i can't go into that much detail about possible smelly JRPG bullshit, but so far it isn't bad

  it rewards you to explore the areas

  something i found i've been missing for a long time

  i like uncovering maps and finding hidden stuff

1:17 PM Marty: Are they tangible rewards, like interesting things to see, or are they shards of McGuffins that add +1 stats

 me: whenever you uncover a respectable portion of the map you get xp bonuses

1:18 PM there are even achievements in the game that also award xp bonuses

  so maybe not tangible, but definitely useful and welcome

1:19 PM i like running around and doing lots of little quests, too

 Marty: Over 450 you say? That does sound pretty crazy. I've been reading previews and it looks like something I should sit down and play when my slate clears

1:20 PM me: i'll send it out to you if you want

  but it looks like you'll need to clear out a lot of time

  i think i'll probably hold off on buying witcher 2 no

  now

 Marty: Sure - that'd be awesome. Do you have any of the Wii Zelda games though? I'd rather give those a go first

1:21 PM me: i have skyward sword

  you need a motion plus to play it

  i have an extra i can loan you if you want

  god knows i won't be using it

1:22 PM Marty: That would be awesome...I promise to return it in peak condition

1:23 PM me: see the joel mchale 3ds commercial?

1:24 PM Marty: No! I love Joel mcHale too

 me: http://kotaku.com/5900309/community-star-kicks-guy-in-nuts-for-nintendo

1:28 PM Marty: Ahahaha I love it. Love it

1:29 PM It bypassed all my cynicism barriers

1:30 PM me: mchale, man

  i feel guilty that i only watch community occasionally

1:31 PM Marty: As you should

  The last episode was pure genius

1:32 PM me: I freaking missed it!

  i wound up getting dinner with friends of friends

  but it wasn't their fault entirely, it's was the f-ing cleveland indians

  thursday was their home opener and the fucking game went 16 innings

1:33 PM which means everyplace around me was packed and we couldn't get food anywhere

 Marty: Sweet lord...isn't there some kind of "maximum innings" thing?

 me: nope, and the dipshits LOST

1:37 PM Marty: How long was the game? Didn't you feel compelled to just leave?

1:38 PM me: well we walked into one place because it was taco night, but because the game lasted so long we couldn't get a seat

  we eventually wound up someplace else, but this was after a lot of standing around and waiting

  all of this at the expense of 30 rock and community

1:39 PM Marty: That's a high toll to pay. Especially when you see last weeks episode. Like a masterclass in comedy

 me: i'll get to it

  whenever i tear myself away from xenoblade i'll watch it

8 minutes

1:48 PM Marty: Sorry dude...doing 10 things at once

  Be right back

9 minutes

1:57 PM Marty: So I finished the hardest part of ME2 on insanity

  feeling pretty good

  Shitty part is trophies aren't unlocking

 me: yeah?

  the ME games have that problem

  i don't know why

1:58 PM Marty: So it will be my word against every else's if I actually do it

  It's annoying. It downloaded this one...for me its grounds for refund

  If I were cheap

  Which I am

  But I'm also lazy

1:59 PM me: but honest

  you're next run through ME3 will be that much better for it

2:00 PM Marty: That's the plan

 me: you do the shadow broker mission

  ?

 Marty: Not yet - going to hit that up tonight

2:01 PM me: it's worth it

2:02 PM the other stuff wasn't so much from what i remember

 Marty: I'm really enjoying my ME2 playthrough...that was a decent game

2:04 PM me: Oh yeah, 2 and 3 are great

  the first one hasn't aged so well

2:05 PM Marty: I'm not even going to bother

2:06 PM me: I did it over the summer last year and I was hating myself almost every minute

2:07 PM not a terrible game, but not very good compared to the sequels

7 minutes

2:14 PM Marty: Its the driving around scanning rocks that got me

 me: oh yeah

 Marty: For its time, it was an awesome game, but you're right - doesn't hold up

 me: the space truck super sucked

46 minutes

3:01 PM me: working on anything good?

3:02 PM Marty: Well GR gave me two more assignments...to do the same rumor feature for Xbox 720 and Wii

  U

  They gave me it today, with a deadline of friday, so I'm scrambling right now

 me: geeet crackin'

  you know that _______ moved to @Gamer?

3:03 PM Marty: no...no I did not

  crazy

 me: LinkedIn knows the score

9 minutes

3:12 PM Marty: I guess it was for that editor position they were hocking a little while back

 me: well good for him

3:13 PM maybe that frees up a spot over there for the both of us

3:14 PM Marty: Mayhaps. Did you apply??

 me: it'll happen today

  have to rejigger my cover letter

3:15 PM Marty: Nice. When is the deadline for applying?

3:16 PM me: no clue, but i'll do it today and not take any chances

18 minutes

3:34 PM Marty: That would be awesome if you got it

3:35 PM me: i'm not holding my breath

  just want to throw my hat in the ring

  i almost -ALMOST- had a review lined up for the weekend

3:36 PM Marty: Dang...what was it? What happened?

 me: they needed me to have a debug 360 to play skulllgirls

  and...i ain't got one

3:37 PM Marty: bah humbug

  who has a debug machine anyways?

 me: yeah

 Marty: I guess hardcore reviewers

 me: no kidding

3:38 PM i was going to look into getting one after that, but at this point i don't think it would be worth it

3:40 PM Marty: Not unless you were getting consistent work, no

17 minutes

3:58 PM me: nah just too late in the cycle

  with rumors floating around that new tech is going to drop next year, i don't want to make the investment

  plus, who would i sell that to when i want to get rid of it

3:59 PM Marty: I bet there's a niche market for that

 me: yeah maybe

4:00 PM have i ever sent you the cover letter i used for ____?

4:01 PM Marty: Hah no, why?

4:02 PM me: i wrote it not caring if they were going to hire me or not

  i think you'll get a kick out of it

4:03 PM just emailed it to you

4:05 PM Marty: Let me pay attention to this in full later on

  I'm frazzled currently

4:06 PM me: oooook

22 minutes

4:28 PM me: aaaaaand

  I'm an applicant

4:30 PM Marty: Huzzah! Start your packing

5 minutes

4:35 PM me: ha

4:36 PM i need you around me constantly for ego inflation

 Marty: Seriously though. I think you have a great chance. And you should take it. Would your wife be open to moving?

4:37 PM me: i think so. we talked about it a little a few weeks ago

  granted, we had a couple of drinks, and moving always sounds like a good idea after beer #3

 Marty: haha

  would she be able to relocate her job?

 me: but i interview on wednesday for the job it have

  and this might be a pack up of sorts

4:38 PM no, the bank she works for is only located in pittsberg and cleveland

  she'd have to look for something new

4:39 PM Marty: It'd be a risk...but it would be a dream gig

Odd Texts, Insanity, Tetris Effect, Xenoblade, Canada

11:58 AM me: No more of this sitting-at-home bullshit

  i'm going to pax next year

11:59 AM hell or highwater

 Marty: Niceeeeee!

  I like your moxy

  Bring me?

 me: you're always welcome on my trips to nerd meccaas

  meccas

 Marty: That means a lot

  Hey, funny story

  I wanted to text you last night, but thought it would be weird

12:00 PM me: how so?

  you text me all the time

 Marty: It was hard to describe over text

  Anyways

 me: o...k...?

 Marty: I was playing Mass Effect 2 on insanity last night. If you know anything about insanity, you know Horizon is pretty much the worst gaming experience ever

  (apart from later sequences)

12:01 PM So after a couple hours, and one exploit, I finally beat it just as my wife was coming home from her shift

  I swear to god, I honestly had flashes of health bars for the rest of the night

 me: mwahahaha

 Marty: Not, like, "thinking about them", but I would turn my head and see a health car for, like, a microsecond

  I was actually concerned

12:02 PM I've never had that happen

 me: is this kinda like the Tetris Effect?

 Marty: I think so

 me: i used to sort of have that with street fighter combos when SF4 came out

 Marty: hahaha

  Weird, right?

12:03 PM me: i couldn't sleep because i was constantly thinking "LOW FORWARD TO FIREBALL"

  yes

  weird and annoying

 Marty: I was really proud of my accomplishment though

 me: yeah, now you're a man

12:04 PM Marty: I think BioWare didn't plan its game based on insanity, so there's parts that are next to impossible

  Coupled with the fact Shepard just decides to stand up at random from cover, it's a real bitch

 me: i think a lot of developers are like that

  balancing different difficulty settings is still kind of a foreign concept

12:05 PM it's not as easy as "give the bad guys more HP and more damage capability"

 Marty: Agreed...and it seems very artificial...like "just give them more shields and take away health"

  hahaha

 me: i remember discussions like this came up around the time that Torchlight came out

12:06 PM it was kind of an easy game so people were playing it on harder settings

  the devs noticed this and brought up difficulty balancing in a few interviews

  that i can't possibly cite for you right now

 Marty: I want notations!

  Sources!

12:07 PM me: trust my encyclopedic knowledge

  or faith

  or whatever

  anyway, i have a different problem

 Marty: Which is?

 me: xenoblade comes out today, but now that i'm a dude with a wife and a 8-5, i'm now thinking there are problems with games that come out on fridays

12:08 PM Marty: Hold up, you're working today?

  Don't you guys get Easter off?

 me: i'm going to leave here and probably go to the gym. but even if i didn't, i'm picking up the game on my way home

  yep. church and state, man

  i work for a public institution

 Marty: So you do....or don't

 me: oh i'm working

12:09 PM Marty: Effing heathens

 me: or i'd be playing the game right now

 Marty: Everything is closed here

  That is a dilemma

 me: anyway

 Marty: You'll have plenty of time to play when the rapture comes and you are left behind, though

 me: i'm going to grab it just

  wow

  got me there, kirk cameron

 Marty: hahahahaha

  Please don't

12:10 PM Tell me how that game is

  I'm itching to use my Wii

 me: ANYWAY

  the problem is that i can't even play it today

  i'll get it, go home, and my wife will immediately expect that i get in the shower and we go get dinner

  which is fine, i'm not complaining

12:11 PM but usually with dinner comes a few drinks. then we come home and watch tv or a movie

  then i'm too tired to care and go to bed

 Marty: Whoa whoa "get in the shower"

  You live a troubled life

 me: i'm coming from the gym

  imagine that i have the stankies

 Marty: So you have all weekend

 me: easter

12:12 PM i have to go to her grandmother's place!

 Marty: Ack

 me: SHE'S 9-EFFING-7

 Marty: That's crazy

 me: yeah

 Marty: She won't know if you are playing Wii

  Just say its how you celebrate Easter

 me: ha

  so you're saying that ___ is shut down for the day, too?

 Marty: No, they work too

12:13 PM I'm in disbelief with you US folks

  I got up early to do ___ stuff, cause I'm headed out for an NHL 2012 tournament at my buddy's house

  Everyone else in Canada has the day off, so we're making it a boys day

 me: sorry that we don't live in your puritan canadian utopia

12:14 PM Marty: Free Health Care, open values, AND more holidays

 me: open valuse?

  *values?

 Marty: err...less "beating of gays and minorities"

 me: is it still the swingin' 60s up there?

 Marty: Dude, we're home of the gay parade

  And yes, many orgies

12:15 PM me: there are quite a few gay parades here, i'll have you know

  stupid trivia: the town that i live in was the answer to an original trivial pursuit question about the largest gay population in the US outside of san fran

 Marty: True dat. Which is good (honestly). I'm confounded by people who just can't let people enjoy life on their own terms

  hahahaha I think you told me that

  Very interesting

12:16 PM me: i find it ironic that you are living in a country that gives everyone off on the highest of high christian holidays but is much more tolerable to gay rights

  is gay marriage a-ok up there, too?

 Marty: Absolutely

12:17 PM me: wow

  utopian indeed

 Marty: I mean, look, there's still push back, but we're like a progressive sitcom up here

  If you DON'T have a gay friend, you aren't cool

 me: well, you're certainly easy to laugh at if that's what you're saying

 Marty: ...

 me: LAY UP